There's nothing like Pasco County, Fla.
Three major nudist resorts within an eight-mile radius and several other satellite nudist parks, home developments and resorts.
Nudists are a major political entity there.
It only seems they could hold campaigns naked there and no one would blink.
A recent 10-day trip to Caliente, Como and Paradise proved, well, revealing in more ways than one.
The first stop was Caliente, a superb top-of-the-line $50 million resort.
A little fine-tuning and Caliente is in a position to blow away the competition.
First, the good stuff.
Caliente already has the physical plant ... a spectacular pool, a sensational nightclub, terrific workforce and gym second to none. There is a fridge in the poolside room, something Paradise can't say, plus a microwave (not in Paradise, either).
Here's the rub.
For what it costs to stay three days at Caliente, you can stay five at nearby Paradise and have, arguably, a better time. We'll get to that part of it later.
Here's another:
You can't get to the pool from your POOLSIDE room. You have to walk up a hill and walk into the main building.
That has to be changed if the Caliente owners are serious about competing. Open up the other side to the pool. Give your guests who pay for poolside rooms a poolside experience.
LAKE COMO: Where it all started. A terrific, but different, experience. The people are very friendly. Smoking has died everywhere in America but the lakeside Butt Hutt, one of the really interesting nudist places in the country. The crowd there is very old. Starts in the 60s, with most of the people in the 80s.
Another plus is free internet access in the library. Bring your laptop and the phone bill is on Como. While I was typing this, a naked woman in her 60s started a conversation with me and five minutes later, ended up inviting me to her place. The thought struck me that this is the only place in America where a totally naked stranger has ever invited me to her place. Maybe it happens in swing clubs, but I don't go to those.
Being almost 20 years younger than her, I didn't go. Even though she had a great body, if anything developed, it would be a weird feeling to do it with someone old enough to go to school with my mom. And if she would have asked, yes, I would have done it with her. I respectfully declined to "check out her computer", saying that I had to get some work done in the library.
Heck, maybe she really wanted me to check out her computer.
I could only remember the line from the 1950s movies, something like, "come up to my place to check my etchings."
It turned out to be more like itchings.
Heck, I have that same itch every seven seconds or so. But I digress. It's tough to match that level of friendliness, though.
The rooms at Como are something out of the 1940s, with rickety floors and paper-thin walls. The TVs are in the living room, not the bedroom, and get only three channels. I thought I would die of boredom, so I slept on the couch, with the one station on, afraid to make the slightest sound that would wake the person in the next room.
I was never more ready to leave a nudist resort in my life.
I couldn't wait until the three days were over when I could get back to Paradise Lakes.
PARADISE LAKES: My old stomping ground, a place as comfortable as an old shoe.
The nightclub is incredibly free. My first night, a Wednesday, was the most nude I've seen it in the disco in 10 years. There were 50 people on the dance floor and a good 40 were completely nude. It was a terrific time and a memorable night.
The subsequent evenings were less nude, but the crowd was more nude than at Caliente.
It's great having a poolside room at poolside. Hundreds of beautiful naked women between 18 and 80 cavorting right outside my door every day. To me, that last sentence is the very definition of Paradise. Or Heaven.
What Paradise needs to do to blow away the competition is to have refrigerators in its poolside rooms. That would be a clear indication it is looking at the big picture, not the penny-wise and pound-foolish approach it stubbornly clings to now.
The nightlife is hopping seven days a week at Paradise, while Caliente really rules only one night (Saturday).
Friday is the best night of the week at Paradise, but you can have a good time all seven days of the week there. The crowd is young, energenic and friendly.
My grades:
Paradise (A-) _ the minus being only for the lack of a poolside fridge.
Caliente (B) _ with great potential to go to A due to an existing physical plant. The big minuses are the lack of consistent nightlife and poolside access from poolside rooms. Both can be fixed.
Como (C) _ Good nudist experience, but substandard rooms and almost no nightlife to speak about. People there deserve major props for friendliness.
All in all, if I had to go back to one place, knowing what I know now, it would be Paradise.
Maybe something will happen in a year to change my mind, but I doubt it.
